As I'm sitting here in my bedroom listening to my dad cough and talk too loudly on the phone with his girlfriend form Russia, pouring over photos of Mila Kunis because I can never remember who she is until I see her photo (because I was reading my ex's tweets and one mentioned her; I knew who it was but couldn't remember) I can't help but feel like my life is completely wasteful. I'm doing absolutely nothing worthwhile, I am behind on a medical bill, I am not very well off with money, and I work a job that I hate going to. The job itself isn't so awful; it's not fulfilling in the least, I have no leadership responsibilities, and I have no room to grow or advance. My love life is consistently at a low, never going up, and most of me is okay with that. Except, there is one thing. I want to have a baby all of the sudden. It's becoming apparent that it's something I want in my life, and everything else in my life is telling me I can't have it now, and nothing is looking promising for having one eventually, either.

I have no love interest in romance, life, or my job.

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My back is sore, I'm updating this after working from 3-10.  I should get my glasses adjusted; they're hurting the sides of my head behind my ears pretty badly. This isn't urgent, but it's something I'd like to fix.

I'm sleepy and tired. I need to not spend my money this week.

Tonight at work I bought a slurpee. It was tasty.

What's up with me drawing in my book lately? I don't really mind it. I like it. I feel as though my books are so under par though compared to how I feel. Is that possible? I feel like I struggle with expressing myself fully or accurately, especially through something other than written language, and even with that, English is the only one I know and therefor can only use. It's sad really, because expressions of thoughts and feelings are beautiful things that I fail to appropriate in my book most of the time. I'm sad about it. I want to become better, but all I feel that I'm doing is failing time and time again. Practicing a new language must happen to me, I'm so stuck inside of English that I don't know what more I can do with it that interests me.

I want a fourth-grader friend. I wish it wouldn't be creepy, but society just doesn't accept large age differences when it comes to friendships such as those unless it was through my occupation. I suppose since my occupation doesn't exist, or is so limited to 'living' that perhaps it could work out, and I could tell the lie that I'm just doing my job. Living and having friends and breathing and stuff like that, purely biology and logic. Hmm. Dear fourth-grader that wants someone to listen, IM HERE! and you don't even know it. :( How do I reach out to you? I'm not so picky as to age, but I just identify with the fourth-grader more than the 3rd or 5th. I want that so badly! I get you, I do. If you're like me, which I bet you are, I get you.

My brain isn't working in the normal sense today, since I feel so jumbled and confused about my feelings. "How are you?" asked a friend of mine, to which I replied, "I don't know. I am not in touch with that part of me today." I'm so honest about it, yet I am so confused. :( I know that I do not feel happy, but I'm not sure what I am feeling. I don't know and it's killing me. I don't like it at all.

I sent out some letters and some post cards today, and I think it'll cheer up a few of my friends, but maybe it won't at all, I really have no idea.

Work is becoming interesting. I enjoy talking to a lot of my coworkers, some more than others perhaps, but it's fun to have something similar in yr life with those you associate on a normal basis. (What? Did that make sense?) Maybe. Anyways. Things in life are so simple yet need to be complicated in order to be deemed "all right" and I like to think that things like those are totally unnecessary and particularly annoying. :\

Coffee is a great friend.
I dread going to work tonight. Can I cry? I'm surprised I've lasted this long. I suppose it's a good thing that people enjoy me at work, guests and otherwise.

I can't think anymore, at least not anymore in a way I'd like to write down.

I feel disappointed. I really want a cat.